Choosing Your Path

As we begin our lives our paths are choose for us. We were not asked how we wanted to be raised, what words, consequences, family configuration, location or time we are born into. Nor did our children get that choice.

Yet, as adults we are given choice. We have the power to lead life in the way we see fit. So when are we adults? Is it when we turn 18, get married, graduate for high school or collage? Is it when we get our first 'real' job, or have our own kids? 

Tomorrow I turn 31 and guess what; I finally am figuring out that I am just as much an adult as the next. I don't have to appeal to any other adults authority because, I have authority too. I too am an adult. I have figured out that much of my anxiety is due to the wanting to please the other adults around me. I have put pleasing others, to get their approval, before most everything else. 

This all may sound really silly and like pointless self gratifying dribble.  Yet it's not. 

What I am trying to say, is everyday we send a message to our children as to what they are worth. Their isn't a switch at 18, 21, or on the day of some event that says to them "NOW you are able to have authority, worth, as well as the ability to make decisions about who you are and how you live life." 

 How we choose to talk to our children  today will affect how they make choices later. 

My birthday wish is that we all may have peace.

I am not an Island or a boat out at sea

Well, non of us are.

You see I am coming to realize that this "home schooling journey" is as much,(if not at times more) about me than my littles. It's about having confidence, realizing I am not alone in my wacky way of thinking or doing things. Yet, I have to also truly get that  it is just about them. Their educational needs, not my fulfillment of some goal or ideal. How will they learn best to be the best people they can become?

So again you might be saying, " What the Blog?" Well, see none of us are alone in our doubts, concerns or journey.  I struggle too. I think it's the beauty of blogs and really why I write this publicly and not in a personal note book.

Where we are now.

Little Miss. Man she is amazing and growing fast. She is at the age where she wants to go to school. She wants to learn. YET and it's a big YET. She doesn't want to be told how or what to do. She's 4 years 2 mo. That is a big shift toddler to school aged kido. Man oh man let me tell you it is rocking her world for a loop. One minute Miss Independence next she is on my back in the sling, needing the physical touch.

My Babe. Now she is in full toddler mode. She is bright and has a big sister so she is amazing. Some times the amazing is in acts like putting together puzzles or Mr Potato head, dancing to a favorite song as she sings all the words in her own special way. Other times it's seeing that sister is jealous or wants something and understanding that she can inter-fear or not trade. She is learning she can emotionally impact the world and people around her. It's truly amazing to get to see this mind/ world shift.

So with all the change what is a mama to do?

Take deep breaths, be patient, love, maintain boundaries, listen, get frustrated, yell a little, apologies, cry with them, remember that you have long term goals and cherish that they will only be this old, right now.

Change Abounds

    It has been quiet a while since I have visited this space. Time did that weird thing where we hit hyper-speeds all while moving as if we were in some sort of jellylike dessert. We have experienced deaths, moving of friends, sending off our family doc and starting of a new job which also brought a host of other changes to our lives. Good things have happened too. We have reconnected with friends, enjoyed the PNW in Spring, celebrated a graduation, got tickets for another graduation and our FAVORITE Artist for a summer concert.

    In this time we have all grown and changed so much. Little Miss is physically, emotionally and developmentally growing by leaps and bounds. My Babe is now a full fledged toddler who loves music and coloring all over her body but especially her face. My amazing partner is in a job the challenges him. This is a great things because he is for one thing, hard to challenge and two so much happier when he is. As for me, I have been doing lots of emotional work. It's draining but very rewarding.

    So right now I am thankful. Truly Full of Thanks for my life, my partner, my children and the work I get to do everyday.

What does a leader look like?

Across culture, time, location and faith the coming together of people is our common thread. Humans by nature are social creatures. The degree to which each of us partake in community varies individually.

I think when we look at participating in community,religious groups or even family we have to set our agendas aside. As we lead we have to set aside our ego which is one of the hardest things for us to do. Well for me it is at least.

When I look at possessively influential historical leaders, I see similar attributes in there success. They all seam to realise that the movement, cause or mission they initialised isn't theirs. They do not own it. They gave it life, yes. They helped develop the frame work yes but they turn the implementation over to the participants.

In collage my Resident Director taught me so many amazing things. She was truly a mentor who's words I go back to time and again. When looking and working with community she helped me see that the role of an adviser or leader isn't to set a personal agenda but to facilitate the groups positive evolution.

Of course She went into meetings with an agenda and a direction but she listened. She knew what we created together would be better than what she had envision on her own. She had the frame work of the university but the community that was created was ours. It didn't belong to her, Resident Life or the University. It belonged to the community that lived there.

The activities we planned were the result of community assessment. Our job was to hear and empower others to act or participate. Important University required content happened in a way that got students not only to attend but have fun as they participated.

We met needs. We facilitated community. We all had a chance to thrive.

Right Now

Sitting:: in the hall typing as my little play and pour in the bath.

Thankful:: my Family is all home now safely.

Tired and Rested:: I got to sleep in and lay in bed BOTH Weekend days with my DH as Grandma watched the littles.

Excited:: for the big new things to come.

Amazed:: my little baby is ONE YEARS OLD!

Proud:: that little took her first steps surrounded by love.

Remembering:: to stay present even as I feel I have lots to catch up on after so much fun.

a peek into our home

Oh how I love them.

January's Favorite Books

We read a lot in our home. We are the people at the library that take easily 10 mins checking out not because my littles are running everywhere or I lost my keys, well ok. We have had at least one of thoughts days. Really it's because we have that many books and Little Miss like to help check them all out. We read the titles, talk about what they might be about or simply comment about the cover illustration.

The last half of January we had SNOW! It was glorious.We got to know our library books a bit better and held them a bit longer since we missed our library day. Here are our favorites.



I have to say if you have never read Trumpet of the Swans by E.B. White STOP reading this and find a copy. It is one of those books you will want to read and reread. Not only because the characters are charming and the language engaging but the character of the characters is good. The parents value the children, love each other, and strive to be honorable. Louis the main character is responsible, true to his word, motivated and talented. All the characters strive to do the right thing. All in a completely non preachy way, but an honest, true to life fashion. Plus it's just a fun story. You can now frequently hear "Kahooo Kahoo" in our home as Little Miss tries to get our attention from a different room. This is also the first book we had to renew because Little Miss wasn't ready return it.

One of " Those" Kids

It drives me to speak out. Sometimes to alienate my self from others. Conditional love, coersive parenting and physical punishment hurts, Adults. It yields Adults with Anxiety, anger issues, self worth issues, inabilities to form healthy attachments, substance abuse issues and so much more. We all know those kids who hurt. Who act out. I was one of "those" kids, my sisters were "those" kids, my husband was one of "those" kids, I have close friends who were "those" kids. Where you?

This weekend I was given the opportunity to make the choice to say good bye to a part of a long term emotionally abusive relationship. I took a stand and hung up the phone in the most respectful way I could. Without yelling, raising my voice or foul language. It was freeing. Yet until tonight and some verbalization of my feelings with my partner was I able to stop looking behind my back to see if I really wasn't going to get into trouble again. Ever feel that way with someone? That saying NO and really meaning it isn't a real choice.

Do you want your kid to feel that way with you? Is No really a choice?


Are you still with me? Ok. So what does any of this have to do with education, let alone homeschooling. Well, It goes back to key 7: YOU NOT THEM. Which ties to Pam Leo and her working with adults to look at the old tapes or scripts that play in their minds. It ties to Bonnie Harris reminding us that our kids know where all our button are.

If we the mentors, the educators, the parents are focused our fears, how can we focus on guiding our youth? If our parents taught us to fear punishment for getting it "wrong" what happens when our little messes up? Was that the littles mistake or ours? I have seen a tendency to punish or reprimand a child in public at least, when the parent is embarrassed for a typically age appropriate behavior. I know I have apologized for Little Miss spilling something or talking to loud somewhere as I scold her "shhhhhing."

So lets all take a deep breath now. Let's have a day filled with love and calm. If the littles mess up take a second and maybe don't correct it for them. Maybe problem solve. Maybe smile and tell them how you used to do that. Maybe even laugh as you clean up the mess or kiss the hurt they caused a sibling WITH them. Yes we are the adults and you know what, they will be too,soon.

Jargon Defined, Part 2

So after I got to the end of part one I took a deep breath. Wow that was a lot and yet there are still 4 more keys of TJEd to write about. I asked my self. Why? Why write all this out. Why possibly bore people or have people think that your telling them what to do or think? "Well" I said to my self, because yes I talk to myself don't you. " Wasn't the point of this whole blog to document our journey. Won't it be helpful to be able to look back and see what your thoughts where. Why you chose this path and how you were implementing it?" Why yes self it is. So with out further ado, Part TWO!

5. Quality, not Conformity

When doing work, play, cooking anything really one should strive to do their best. It's not about living up to someone else expectations or what you think you should do or be like. It's about doing a good, complete job. Honestly if you go back to some of my post I edit them over and over. I'm not a great writer. I do edit before I publish but I know I miss A LOT. So, I reread them, make changes, add things as needed to make points clearer.

So in teaching and leading our littles it's about helping them to learn that doing it well is more important than getting it done. NO, this doesn't mean quiting or not working. It means setting them up to be able to do their best. Also not accepting them not doing their best. Letting them know you are there to support them but that they can do it. Knowing your child helps you help them. If they are not doing their best take time to reconnect and find out why, so they can go back to the task and nail it.

When I clean with Little Miss and Wee One it looks different for each one because they are at different ability levels. If Little Miss is helping vacuum and misses a bunch of food by a table leg I note it. I'll say " Uh oh Thomas(Little Miss), Kurbey (the Vacuum) missed the coal in the forest." I remind her the task isn't finished. Ok I bet your looking at this and say well my almost 4 year old would go " yeah but I am done." Well yeah sometimes mine is too. So I look her in the eye and I say " Ok, but I want us to complete the task so our house is a clean safe place for all of us. Do you want to use the hose or shall I?" What she seams to be getting is that it's going to be done right and completely. Her Mom isn't going to stand for incomplete. How I know it works. When I or my partner is sweeping or vacuuming on our own Little Miss pipes up " Mama or Papa, you missed this over here." Some times added " Can I get it?" or " Here you go."

Later this transfers to crafts, coloring pages, written term papers. You have to remember your laying a foundation. YOU and your Partner are setting a tone.

6. Simplicity, not Complexity.

This to me follows the engineering philosophy of K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple Stupid. Why go purchase a curriculum for hundreds of dollars with tons of componants when you can read books from the library, act them out, memorize Mother Goose and color. Yes it's about cost but it's also about the stuff. Do you really need all that stuff in kits to learn? I'd think so.

For generations we have learned by sharing knowledge orally, read to each other and written down what we thought. Couldn't blogging even be a modern example.

7. You, Not them.

"Set the example. The best mentors are continually learning and pushing themselves. Read the classics. Study hard." Oliver DeMille A Thomas Jefferson Education.

Again, In everything we do as the parent, educator and mentor WE are modeling. We set the tone, the example. WE show them the value of the education, cleaning their room, putting away their toys through reading, keeping our room clean and putting away our things. Even having relationships in healthy ways as we hope they will when they get older.

It's a lot of pressure and work but we are up to it. I truly believe this is what we are to do if we want to be solid parents and raise people who are strong.

8.Secure, Not Stress.

This is a new key for TJEd and I hope to see more on it. I struggle with some of what I have read and heard from TJEd blogs and speakers on parenting as well as how to entice kids to do school work. I believe education and the security of a loving family is it's own reward. Prizes, intimidation, physical discipline do not make an independent critically thinking person who has the confidence and courage to do what is best. It creates the Leaders we see in todays politics. Ones that have skeletons in their closets and can be bought by corporations or lobbyists. It creates the young woman that stays with the not so nice boyfriend since he did get her that new designer bag, he loves her. Or even the young man that heads to university wanting to belong so binge drinks at a frat party cause everyone else is doing it.

I think these examples aren't extremes I personally can tell you names and show you pictures, and data to prove it. It starts at home. It starts at birth with the connection YOU give your babe. It's how YOU teach the toddler to deal with it's frustration, hitting and biting. It's how you teach the school age child to work, learn, create, try new things, make and sustain friendships or deal with the bully.


For more on my parenting beliefs see my What Parenting means to me.

What the beginning of January looked like

So when we structure time not content, take our littles lead, play LOTS, Read LOTS what does it all look like. Well here is the first two weeks in Jan for you as a picture. The theme was little Misses choice I just Googled, Pintreset ( here is a sneak peek at the second half of Jan) and 1+1+1=1 activities or as we call them " crafts". We also utilized the Jan material from Earth schooling. Simply because we had to purchase the materials for Earth Schooling I won't post the oral stories, poems and songs we used.

Our Day

Little Miss gets up at just about 7:30am and Wee One is up shortly after that round 8am. After cuddles we head into the playroom, open the curtains, feed our fish, feed the cats get Mama Coffee and then sing our Morning song.

Our Morning song
given to us by a Waldorf teacher on Whidbey Island

Good morning to you and sweet they day.
May Angels surround you
and under their watch keep you.
Good day, good day,
Good morning, Good day.


Some point between making breakfast and getting dressed Little Miss looks at our "Today is" pouch and says "That's not what today is!" We use quarter sheets of watercolor paper painted to progress through the rainbow from red to purple with each day written in the upper left hand corner and the planet the day is named after in the lower right. One of us switches out the day and I ask if she knows what day it is and what planet the day is named for. Then I ask if she wants to find that planet or read about it in a book we got from the library. A few mornings we built the solar system on our felt board. This all took any where from two minutes to fifteen. the information and I are available to share. She is not required, but she like many kids at this age Little Miss is a sponge!

I then ask Little Miss to either help me make breakfast or play with Wee One. My real life friend at True Confessions of a Real Mommy has a great post about Littles in the kitchen.

As we make breakfast I don't say " Hey little Miss come help." I instead ask her to pick a specific task. " Can you help me mix the eggs?" or "Will you help sister build a tower?" I specify because she does notice the difference. She has said to me " Mama when you say 'Little Miss do this' it hurts my feelings. It's not kind." Yeah that is hard to hear but it's spot on. I try think how do you want to be lead or spoken to? How do effective leaders speak to the people around them to inspire them to do their best?

It's Breakfast time and getting ready for the day. Depending on the nights sleep this may include a story or two scattered here or there for some positive reconnecting time. Part of getting ready for the day in our home is getting the house ready for our day. This includes vacuuming, sweeping, picking up the toy or books that are about. We do this in little chunks. Little Miss is what ever character she wants that day, it's either a train or Ira "Her Pony" which lives at her Grannies house. Then I have her "scoop hay" or " shunt freight" aka pick up X.

All this gets done by 10ish. You see if food is not in our bodies by 10am and Wee One is not cuddled, we get what I call the 10am melt down. Then based on energy levels, weather and schedule it's outside/ indoor physical play. We will walk around our neighborhood or run the Kentucky derby in our home. Followed by crafts, stories, building, playing singing together. If she wants to craft I offer suggestions, materials or ask what she is thinking.

Then we lunch, rest which takes us to 3ish and back to more crafting, stories, etc. Some days we make dinner together others I set her up with a craft or just let the littles play.

At this phase in TJEd, the littles are in Core phase. It's not about reading or letters or school. It's about good vs bad, right vs wrong. It's about learning to be a good strong, loving, person who is rooted in the family. So is my focus during the day getting through any of the stuff I looked up on line? NO! That is just icing on cake to keep her from bouncing off the walls with boredom. To challenge her mind and have fun.

Jargon Defined, Part 1

To us our world is our classroom, curriculum, our "school." We believe that each person is born with the desire to learn and participate in it's culture. We each have our own passions and interests that will shape our lives. We also believe that we all have a purposes here during our time on this earth. Yes, we are all here to perpetuate the spices but I am writing of a more cerebral contribution.

At the end of my last post I used TJEd jargon. Jargon can be annoying but it can also give a common vernacular for better communication. So, hold on cause here I go. I am going to share the 8 keys keys of great learning (acording to TJEd) and what they mean to me. Here is my interpretation of the first four.

1.Classics, Not Textbooks

In our home this means we do not get condensed all you need to know, anthologies of selected chapters of stories type of books. We get Mother Goose, Winnie the Pooh not by D. but by Milne, etc. Science is done by using fiction ( eg stories of snowy times, trips to the moon etc.) and non fiction on the subject. Math is all manipulative or illustration based at this time. Later my math wiz partner will be introducing some text for practice problems and historical information. Little Misses first story from her Papa was Albert Einstein's book on relativity. I have a picture somewhere of them when she was less than a month old, it cracks me up. He can write a post on math texts later if he wants, but I digress.

2. Mentors, Not Professors

We aply this in academics as well as parenting. We are here to guide, not rule over or talk at our littles. When you think of someone that changed or impacted your life I bet they were not the person that stood looking down at you and lectured. So here again we provide resorces, support, and frame work for growth. If I don't know about a topic it is my job to well, first acept it and then go find someone that does. Remember it's OK to not have ALL the answers. Who does? Find a community and share your gifts! Everyone will be better for it.

3. Inspire, Not Require

This one gets me in the most trouble socially. I believe it also applies to parenting as well as education. How do you expect your little to do ANYTHING you do not do your self. I mean anything, pick up after them selves, read books instead of playing video games, not hitting, speaking kindly, doing advanced math. If you are not modeling to them how to be a good person it's not going to happen, regardless of the consequence.

So what do you do. Practice what you preach. Actions speak louder than words. We all know it. We just have to take a deep breath and DO it, consistently. Sometimes that is the hardest part. Show them the person you want them to be. They will see the rewards as you share your joys after your frustrations with a project. They will hear you share how proud you are of the peaceful space you created after cleaning. If you have littles they want to be with you so they will probably want to help and do it with you. Now they will also mimic your less desirable traits or actions. Ever hear " give that to me" as they snatch or " dang it" in frustration. Ah yeah, so have I.

4. Structure Time, Not Content

Here is where rythem, paying attention to you little and a clear ultamate goal come in handy. Your job is not to control. Your job is to provide frame work, listen and provide inspiration. This can be the hardest part of TJEd. You are going to have to trust that a naturally curious child with want to learn for hours at a time for years to come.

This can only happen if they are given a safe environment to grow. They have to have the freedom to explore and geek out over trains, coloring, legos, or what ever!

Here is an example from yesterday on how I incorporated math, size differences, values and literature while playing trains with my little.

Little Ms is obsessed with Trains. She asked if we could play trains together. I saw this as not only an opportunity to connect but also to do "school." I suggested we sort the pieces first so we could figure easily pick out the pieces we needed as we built since they were all tossed into a basket. So we sorted.

We classified by comparison: small vs large, long, medium and short, curve vs straight and by various specialty. Then we placed out the specialty pieces around the space, her lead. I was not controlling or leading the play. I just sort of tossed out comments and asked questions as we went.

I asked her to guess how many rail pieces we would need to conect various locations. Then together we counted as we laid out the track. After the track was built we practiced taking turns going across bridges and through crossings, sharing and trading with the Babe. Pacients when the Babe acted as " Monster of Sodor," breaking track or knocking over trains. Humility and greater understanding when we later acted as "Monster of Sodor" accidentally ourselves. Then Little miss in turn acted out her own story lines and ones we had read. This literally was from about 9am till 1pm with a break for lunch.

For older kids it is going to look different. Say your child beyond passionate about Harry Potter and all things magical. All they want to do is read Harry, play the video games, watch the movies and avoid " School work." You feel like a homeschooling failure and that Kido will never get to collage let alone function in society. OK, breath.

First read the books! Ask Kido to read them WITH YOU.

Second, Sit down with Kido and let them know that you think this can be incorporated into "school". Ask them what they like best about the HP world.

Third, Take the information from your talk and brain storm, get creative, google if you have to. Here is what I think up of when I think HP world.

Harry Potter- Kid that goes to a school to learn how to be a wizard, goes on adventures. He studies potions, Herbology, history of the wizarding world, the stars, flying.

As the mentor what jumps out at me is:
Herbology- study of plants OR Natural sciences.
History of Wizarding- Historical study of Witch's: Joan of Arc, The crusade, Early US History- Salem Witch trials.
Potions- Chemistry, fractions, proportions
Stars- star charting, Greek and other creation myths, physics which needs math.
I think you get the picture...

Fourth Meet with Kido. Tell them your thoughts, fears, ideas. Write out a plan together and make an agreement you BOTH like. Set boundaries, expectations, topics of study, meeting times and completion dates.

Fifth Execute plan and Keep checking in. READ, READ READ. Read everything you wan them to. Ask them about parts of the story, what might come next, what they thought, or heck what you didn't like. Use this as a time to connect and explore. They will get all they need and chances are the obsession will be long past before you finish your list of what could be taught...

Ok next nap the second half of the keys!

Learning

When it comes to educating our selves and our littles we take the road less traveled. We look again to the future and our goal of being independent critically thinking individuals. In order to do this we must be creative problem solvers who are able to come up with new and exciting solutions for todays unique problems. We strive to be anti-Sheeple.

This is why we chose TJEd and Waldorf, Earth Schooling as our base. TJEd is an educational method not a curriculum but a life style really. It's committing your family to life long learning. Earth Schooling gives us the creative work and seasonality which fosters the development of a whole person. I lean twords a type A personality so I like having a structure to guide our learning. In no way how ever do I want to limit and trust a learning " authority."

TJEd in a very small nut shell is about developing your talents in order to impact the world in a positive way. They call it leadership education but honestly I find that too narrow. Not everyone leads in the same way. Becoming a states person in not the only or always the best way to utilize your talents and create change. I do love the return to classics. We don't use anthologies of stories we grab the real deal, no abridged or Youth versions for us. We read and work through the big words and concepts together.

I have to add that this is where learning to love hard works comes into play and why we work around the house together. Together we tackle "hard" tasks; Math, Right/ Wrong, Truth, Dishes, Yard work, How an engine works, Peace and energy production: as a family.

Earthschooling gives me the tools to provide oral stories, crafts and rythem in our home. It really gives you all you need as far as ideas to create a lovely age and developmentally appropriate environment that reflects the seasons. This is not Classic Waldorf, but it's very good.

As you might have gathered we truly believe that there is no one way of presenting material for learning. You need to tailor learning to the individual. Which again is why we love TJEd and the ideas of Mentoring, Inspire not require and Structure time not content. Wow all that jargon calls for another post.