One of " Those" Kids

It drives me to speak out. Sometimes to alienate my self from others. Conditional love, coersive parenting and physical punishment hurts, Adults. It yields Adults with Anxiety, anger issues, self worth issues, inabilities to form healthy attachments, substance abuse issues and so much more. We all know those kids who hurt. Who act out. I was one of "those" kids, my sisters were "those" kids, my husband was one of "those" kids, I have close friends who were "those" kids. Where you?

This weekend I was given the opportunity to make the choice to say good bye to a part of a long term emotionally abusive relationship. I took a stand and hung up the phone in the most respectful way I could. Without yelling, raising my voice or foul language. It was freeing. Yet until tonight and some verbalization of my feelings with my partner was I able to stop looking behind my back to see if I really wasn't going to get into trouble again. Ever feel that way with someone? That saying NO and really meaning it isn't a real choice.

Do you want your kid to feel that way with you? Is No really a choice?


Are you still with me? Ok. So what does any of this have to do with education, let alone homeschooling. Well, It goes back to key 7: YOU NOT THEM. Which ties to Pam Leo and her working with adults to look at the old tapes or scripts that play in their minds. It ties to Bonnie Harris reminding us that our kids know where all our button are.

If we the mentors, the educators, the parents are focused our fears, how can we focus on guiding our youth? If our parents taught us to fear punishment for getting it "wrong" what happens when our little messes up? Was that the littles mistake or ours? I have seen a tendency to punish or reprimand a child in public at least, when the parent is embarrassed for a typically age appropriate behavior. I know I have apologized for Little Miss spilling something or talking to loud somewhere as I scold her "shhhhhing."

So lets all take a deep breath now. Let's have a day filled with love and calm. If the littles mess up take a second and maybe don't correct it for them. Maybe problem solve. Maybe smile and tell them how you used to do that. Maybe even laugh as you clean up the mess or kiss the hurt they caused a sibling WITH them. Yes we are the adults and you know what, they will be too,soon.